The holidays are upon us.
How do we want to be to get the most out of gatherings with our loved ones?
The holiday moments with the family can be intense and, if we’re not mindful, turn into emotional minefields, with misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Let’s say someone in your family says something critical or judgemental to you in front of everyone. You feel hurt, upset or angry. Will you let yourself feel that emotion or will you avoid it and talk yourself out of it “so that the holidays are not ruined”?
Let me guess: it will be the latter.
More than two thirds of women tend to ignore, dismiss or distract themselves from feeling their “negative” or uncomfortable emotions.
The truth is, just because you ignore or push away your feelings, they do not go away. They do not disappear.
When ignored, feelings linger much longer inside us and may turn into more intense ones. Sadness and disappointment, if pushed aside, may turn into depression. Feeling upset, if unattended, may turn into resentment.
And — when we bottle or brood, we lose our ability to be fully engaged with the world around us: to hug our children, to rejoice fully when our partner shares a win, to be fully present with your mom (or colleague), or to simply enjoy the smell of a freshly baked cake.
You don’t need to “just be positive” these holidays.
All your emotions are valid and have a purpose. They signpost things you care about. They point you in the direction of your needs.
Give yourself permission to feel all your emotions with kindness, curiosity and compassion.
This doesn’t mean you have to act on your emotions. Not at all.
Difficult emotions will pass – once you’ve listened to them and allowed them to teach you a lesson.
Here are a few examples of how your feelings might be guiding you:
Feeling overwhelmed? ☞ Ease up the pressure on yourself to get it all done. Revisit your to-do-list: what can you let go of?
Feel resentful? ☞ Where are you over-giving? What boundaries need to be set or re-set?
Feeling taken for granted? ☞ Where are you taking yourself for granted? Where are you not honoring your needs?
Feel anxious? ☞ What story are you telling yourself that is making you anxious?
The radical acceptance of all of our emotions—even the messy, difficult ones—is the cornerstone to resilience, to thriving, and showing up authentically at work and life.