The lights are twinkling, the champagne is sparkling, the roast smells yummy… and then someone says something that annoys the hell out of you.

 

We all have family members lacking emotional maturity (people who find it hard to interact with others in kind and helpful ways) and spending time with them can cause us lots of difficult, unpleasant emotions.

 

So how do you avoid getting stressed, annoyed, or frustrated, when having a Christmas lunch with your mother-in-law feels like dashing through a snow field full of landmines on a one-horse sleigh? ❄️

 

The strategy I recommend is two-fold

#1 – DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.

“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.”

 

— Don Miguel Ruiz

 

If you adapt this wisdom as your motto, it will literally transform your life.

 

Yes, it may still sting when that member of your family (or your team) blurts or does something mean or inconsiderate. But you’ll be able to take a deep breath, pause to regain your calm, and then decide if it’s worth responding, or it’s best to just let go.

 

When we don’t take things personally, we start accepting people as they are, we lower our expectations, and find inner peace.

#2 – FIND SOME EMPATHY.

 

Empathy is a very powerful tool because it doesn’t change the external situation, but it does alter our internal experience and allows us to be less reactive. Think about how these people are out in the world…maybe these traits make it difficult for them to have friends, or they have a lot of strained relationships…and in most cases these individuals didn’t have the best childhoods and are genuinely doing the best they can.

 

Remember, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

 

Yet to be able to feel empathy towards others (even those who hurt us unintentionally), we need to extend that kindness and compassion to ourselves first.

 

Easier said than done, for high-achieving perfectionists like you and me, ah, {{ contact.FIRSTNAME | default : “my friend” }}? 😅

 

Read about the link between empathy and self-compassion in my recent LinkedIn post.

 

Remember, empathy is the heartbeat of leadership – it doesn’t matter if you are at work and home.

I’m sending you lots of love and light this holiday season, and hope you can prioritise yourself and your own emotional well-being this time of year.

 

❤️
Nadira